An Introverted Retort

There is a “How to Care for Introverts” graphic floating around. Fine, I’ll post it.

ridiculous

Gross.

I’ve seen this little ditty before on Facebook and was annoyed but thought I could ignore it. Well, it appeared for a second time. This time as an email sent directly to me from one of my extroverted (and much beloved) friends. Sigh. Now I’m intensely frustrated by the graphic and I feel the urge to create an introvert retort. See below.

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Visit “I’m a Belizer!”Β to walk around in a brain with an introverted orientation.

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14 thoughts on “An Introverted Retort

  1. So many rules! I feel like everytime I meet with a new introverted friend I’m going to develop a schizophrenic twitch trying to figure out how to say hello and respect their social preferences while not treating them any differently. Can’t we all just get along? I move for a IE alliance (that would be Introvert Extrovert).

    • I agree. Anyways, no one is always introverted or always extroverted. There are more differences between individuals than between introversion and extroversion.

      My main issue is when people take the actions I listed in my graphic with the reasoning, “oh, she/he is an introvert” rather than, “hey, I know this personally about my particular peep…”

      Nobody puts introverts in a corner, if you will.

    • Yeah, we can all just get along.. These are not *rules*. These are only things to simply think about, not to memorize like some kind of check-list for how to negotiate with a violence psychopath. Trying not to develop a serious mental illness by saying hello to me might be a great place to to start working on how to say hello to a person that is not some kind of *backward and crazy* introvert, but simply a person with a slightly different personality, which is really no big deal as long as we simply have a common sense respect for our differences in characteristics and more importantly, needs. Feel free to say hello to me any time. If you can pronounce that word, then you already know how to say hello to an introvert, I assure you. πŸ˜‰

    • You are asking yourself how to say hello to an introvert ? Don’t, we don’t give a fuck, just come talk to us with sincerity and skip small talking. πŸ˜›

  2. Pingback: the mehallo blog. beta. » How to piss off an introvert

    • Eek. I did the best I could to keep the graphic simple but hopefully better than a bulleted Word doc. The world is an imperfect place as evidenced by my, ahem, graphic design skills. The message is the message – and glad you enjoyed it. Thanks!

  3. The differences between this and the How to Care for Extroverts graphic are odd. Introverts = dowdy, extraverts = colorful. The introvert list comes across as far more negative with all the “don’t”s and “never”s, and even mentions how to reprimand introverts; while apparently one either never reprimands extroverts or it just doesn’t matter how one does it.

    There definitely seems to be a judgement going on.

    • Yeah, that “how to care for your” list is pretty much a list of false assumptions. I’m quite introverted, but I am not “weak, sensitive, or frail.” I take criticism and/or reprimands as well as the next person. Sure, those situations feel crappy, but I’d be willing to bet it feels crappy for any extrovert as well. The point being, just because I’m introverted, does not mean that I’m some kind of mentally unstable and timid little flower, that needs to be handled with delicate care.

      Even things like #4, “give them time to think,” is mostly neutral, but I can’t help but feel as though it’s some kind of suggestion that I’m “slow” and can’t actually figure things out for myself. I assure you, I’m not a “slow” person, and when I do take longer to come up with an answer to a question, it means that I have taken more time, to give it *more* thought, rather than just being too slow to come up with the answer that has been thought out to the same care as a quicker response. Same speed, just that we have a habit of going into a deeper thought about questions that others ask, and especially the questions we ask ourselves. πŸ˜‰

      And sure, overall, that list of how to care for your (exotic pet) introvert, would indeed make my life easier… But then again, pushing me around in a wheel-chair would also make my life a lot easier, but I have legs that work, and I’m going going to be wheeled around.

      Just the same as while I do have a fairly strong introversion, I am not socially handicapped, frail, weak-minded, needing special care like some kind of exotic pet, and so on. I’m just a person who has a few fundamentally different personality traits. I’m not disabled, I’m not unable to manage my life or handle highly social events (though, they start to wear me out and drain my mental/emotional energy over time, while an extrovert is more-so rejuvenated with social interaction). Yes, I certainly do need my solitary “me” time to recharge those proverbial emotional/psychological “batteries” of mine, but that does not mean that I do not thoroughly enjoy socializing with others. I quite enjoy it, and *need* it as part of a healthy life! πŸ™‚ *Just* that I can’t maintain that socialization for more than half a day, or a few hours, etc… Having family visit from out of town, and being around them for every waking moment, really does wear me out physically and emotionally, but still, it’s just exhaustion, rather than being anti-social. πŸ™‚

      Socializing for a typical introvert is something like riding a bike. It’s enjoyable, I want to do it and make an effort to get out for a ride on a regular basis, but a 6-hour ride is going to just wear me out, even though I do enjoy it at the same time! πŸ˜€

      We introverts are nothing to be intimidated by, or worried about. All have ever “asked” of my friends is to simply realize that yes, I need my alone-time now and then, I may be somewhat quieter than others in a social setting, or even one on one, but that doesn’t mean I’m socially inept, no. Just that I have a bit less to say, and while I’m not scared to say something, I just might not be talking all the time.

      I’m not sure about this one, but I would also imagine that another (common, not absolute) difference would be that an extrovert feels uncomfortable when there is a period of silence between people, while an introvert feels perfectly comfortable. To one, it’s an awkward silence, to the others, it’s just a natural and acceptable pause in conversation, that won’t last more than a moment, and it doesn’t mean that communication has failed. πŸ™‚ I’ve been around plenty of people that have very obviously been very uncomfortable because we weren’t talking for a moment, maybe two, to the point that I noticed them start saying more and more random and out of context things, *just* to break the silence. And I’ve even been blatantly *confronted* that because I allow those silent pauses (not at all caesarians) in the conversations, it makes them unable to trust me, or EVEN feel *safe* around me.. Based on NOTHING MORE than the fact that there are times, for a moment or two, that I just don’t have anything to say at *that* particular point in time, but soon enough think of something to say, and do. But this alone has literally make people actually *confront* me and clearly state that they do not feel *safe* around me……

      And in fact, what I mentioned above just now, would certainly make it on my list of “how to piss of an introvert” or whatever I happen to label it. To essentially accuse me of being unworthy of trust, and that I make a person feel physically unsafe around me (yes, most of these were on casual to intermediate level “dates,” thus the physical safety issue), SIMPLY because there were more commonly moments when I don’t really have anything to say. Pisses me off? It would be unfair of me to be angry about their gross misunderstanding of me… But has impacted me emotionally to be told such things? I have to say yes.

      I will mention that in my past, there were also unrelated issues with shyness, but it was still in a large part just my general introversion. The uneasy feeling that some would get around me, just because I tend to value the quality of conversation, not as much the sheer quantity. An extreme example being that if it’s between me reading off the stock-market ticker, or just not saying anything for a few minutes, I will always choose the latter.

      And lastly, I’m not in any way “accusing extroverts” of treating me like that. They were all extroverts, yes, and thus didn’t understand me, but it’s pretty apparent that they represent a small minority of extroverts, I would imagine, in that they were far more judgemental, and not to put anyone down, but seemed to be quite abnormally *uncomfortable* with those pauses in conversation that lasted a few moments. That kind of thing isn’t common to any group that I know of. I just happened to meet several of them, is all. πŸ˜›

      Most extroverts I know today, are really not a real challenge to get along with, and all it really takes (from both of us, of course not just the extroverts curtailing themselves to the needs of an introvert) some very basic intentions to try to perceive any of these different needs and characteristics of each other. Essentially, just a basic willingness to do what we can to understand how we’re different, also how we’re the same, and really just to keep that communication open if there are any notable conflicts between (any type of) personalities. And that hardly only applies to introverts and extroverts. It’s just as important for many different factors of personality. Empathy, desire to understand the viewpoint of another, to respectfully let others know what are needs are, what is not being met but needs to (IF there is a need to bring it up, that is)….

      I’d say it’s much more just a matter of a generally good and caring attitude for others and their different needs than our own, and if that attitude is genuine, then the rest can often times fall into that category of common sense, or at least something that *can* be resolved without some kind of pocket-book on protocols of how to interact. πŸ˜‰

      The point of those in this blog entry, I do believe is to make and/or clear up or address some important and common points about the issue, not to set up some kind of rule set. At least, that’s how I see it. I can’t know for sure.

      Sorry for being so long-winded. I guess my typically introverted over-thinking is starting to exhibit itself. πŸ˜‰ πŸ˜€

  4. I’m the designer of the Introverts list, but the text itself has been around for many years. You can read about it here: http://www.terra.es/personal/asstib/articulos/perso/perso2.htm – as you can see, it is a list designed for teachers of children.

    As for the design and coloration, the reason I picked the colors I did for the introvert list was because – surprise – I like those colors. And I do happen to be an introvert, but I also did this one (http://questionablylate.tumblr.com/post/17227529995/my-design-but-not-my-list-how-to-care-for) so there’s no conspiracy, I promise. The extroverts list was done by someone else (an extrovert) and refined by me.

    And the rest of the info you can glean from my original blog posts –
    http://questionablylate.tumblr.com/post/17227500725/my-design-but-not-my-list-how-to-care-for
    and
    http://questionablylate.tumblr.com/post/27493250341/how-to-care-for-extroverts

  5. Argh, I don’t think my first comment went through.

    I’m the original *designer* of the Introvert list. The text, however, has been around for many years and can be found here (http://www.terra.es/personal/asstib/articulos/perso/perso2.htm). As you can see, it is a list for teachers of children. It was never meant to be a be-all-end-all for adults too. Many people have agreed with it, many others – like you – have been frustrated.

    As for the colors, I chose them because – surprise – I like those colors. While I do happen to be an introvert, I also created this one (http://questionablylate.tumblr.com/post/17227529995/my-design-but-not-my-list-how-to-care-for) so I promise, there’s no conspiracy. Someone else did the extrovert design and I refined it – those were the colors she liked.

    Anyway – please read up on the story behind both of these graphics.
    http://questionablylate.tumblr.com/post/17227500725/my-design-but-not-my-list-how-to-care-for
    and
    http://questionablylate.tumblr.com/post/27493250341/how-to-care-for-extroverts

  6. I actually really love the How To Care For Your Introvert graphic–not so much for what it says but for that it lets people know that introverts even fucking exist. It’s not entirely inaccurate, and it’s a tap on the nose to people who forget that the world of social behavior and activity has largely been designed for and by extroverts.

    For the record, I like your retort, too. πŸ™‚

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